Stress at the Holidays

Stress at holidays is not unique to alcoholic/addicts! The difference is, if we drink/use, we DIE. Other people have the luxury of harboring resentments and engaging in lifelong feuds with family and friends. We just don't.
I got out of VH during the week of Thanksgiving, 1999. Suddenly, I was expected to be at these family gatherings and be happy and be safe around alcohol! Everybody kept saying I'm so glad you went to the hospital and got treated, I hope that's all behind you now and (while holding a cocktail) that' so great that YOU went to treatment and YOU got help for YOUR problem as if they were immune. I had 60 days at Christmas and New Year's ime (that was the big 2000 party too) so I know what it's like to be newly sober at the holidays! Here are some things I did and still do:

One: Even if family and friends expect you to be OK around alcohol, or even drugs, you don't have to agree with them! You don't need to prove to yourself or anyone that you can be around it. It is poison and it is not heroic to test yourself. That means, if you have to arrive late and leave early to the family party then do it! Take your own transportation so that you can leave at a moments notice. We never know when or what will trigger us and it doesn't matter how much time in the program we have-triggers still trigger. This is life and death here so take it seriously. Let yourself miss some of the danger so that you will live to be at another party another day. One of the most surprising elements of being sober is that I can leave a party early now; I never could before-what would I miss???

Two: don't be alone!!!!! If you don't have family, can't go to a get together, or have decided it is too dangerous to go, do NOT. Just stay home alone. Get together with others in the program (and there WILL be others who have nothing to do either). Chances are the groups in your area have planned a pot-luck or dance (because we all hate being alone on holidays!) so GO!!! Or make your own NEW holiday tradition! I went to the NA convention/dance on NYE 2000 so that I would be around clean and sober fun lovers!! Later my first year, I helped start an all day St Patrick's Day party at the NA clubhouse so that I wouldn't relapse. I was never scared to walk into a drug house, liquor store, or darkly lit bar when I wanted a buzz, so don't tell me you're too scared to go to or start up a clean & sober party!!

Three: take it easy! Rome wasn't built in a day. If you haven't bought Christmas presents in 15 years, don't expect to get it all done this time. If you've always cooked a turkey for 25 people, maybe this year you can take a break. You are recovering from a deadly disease! If you'd just got out of the hospital for cancer, no one would expect a bunch out of you so consider that. Be sure to schedule meetings first, then everything else. If you take the time to be sober, life will fall in line.

That's my two cents worth!
XO
Wendy . S.

By: Wendy S.